goddddd im so tired of having crushes on people when i have no chance with them!!!!!1 why do i let myself feel this way when i know nothing good will come out of it UGH

i would love to tell my parents about how depressed i am and how i really need to see someone about it but all they care about is me getting a job like i know exactly what they would say
my mom would be like “well maybe if you got a job you could pay for your own psychologist” or “youre an adult now amber its time to take on some responsibility” and my dad would say “you think just because you’re sad you need a therapist well guess what amber everyone’s sad i don’t need another thing to waste my money on” or “you don’t need a psychologist what you need is a job”
like okay mom and dad i’ll just put my depression and apathy on hold until i get a job thanks

also i feel like everyone i know can’t stand me due to the fact that i can’t stand myself
i’m just projecting my feelings toward myself onto others to try and justify or rationalize my internal conflict which obviously isn’t working because i just scare everyone off and in result feel even worse about who i am
whatever i don’t deserve to be liked if i can’t even like myself
i’m so pathetic

i hate myself so much i just feel trapped in my own body and trapped in my shitty personality and i can’t escape it i’m stuck like this forever and there is nothing i can do about it besides wait for my inevitable death like what the fuck is my purpose in life i don’t know why i’m here and i freaking HATE who i am so what am i supposed to do

so what do you do when your looks and personality are both unappealing


so basically tonight we went to Kroger and there were two hot guys there who just got back from their semi formal (???) and we played football with them in kroger and they were really cool and then they told us their names and left so we went to walmart and walked around and a cute worker was flirting with me but of course i freaked out and made it awkward but it wasn’t too bad and then we picked up my sister’s friend and he climbed out of his window and we drove around and left two of our friends at his house and parked a few streets down and called them and told them we had to go home asap because our mom woke up and got mad that we snuck out even though it was a total lie and they were freaking out it was so funny omfg and THEN we went home and went to the park behind my house and hung out there but it was kinda cold so we came home and stalked pretty girls on facebook while we ate frosted animal crackers and now we’re going to bed the end

i annoy everyone i talk to that’s why i get ignored so often is because i never shut up and it makes me seem so clingy and obsessive and i scare everyone off god i’m so annoying and stupid and i don’t know proper social etiquette at ALL and i never know when to stop and i should just never have another social interaction ever again

god i HATE exercising cuz my face gets so red like DISGUSTINGLY red for about 10 minutes after istop working out it is so embarrassing and i have to put up w/ it 3-4 times a week because of SOCIETY’S STANDARDs

im seriously the worst procrastinator in the world i put off everything i do and i mean everything

i even put off trying to stop procrastinating

i;m actually the boy who was interviewed

i;m actually the boy who was interviewed